tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20390398.post2256310637449115578..comments2009-06-02T01:28:11.692-07:00Elektrahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14572611303401782446crapometer@gmail.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20390398.post-64514412593885205802009-06-02T01:28:11.692-07:002009-06-02T01:28:11.692-07:00This is pretty good. It just needs a few tweaks. Since we have a deamon hunter, I inferred that he really is a hundred and thirty years older. However as the sentence reads, it implies that he's older than her because of time change. <br /><br />I'm also not sure that a modern teen could hide that "they're not from around these parts" no matter how bookish they are. Her speech patterns won't match. Whose going to teach her how to act if she's hiding the truth from everyone? <br /><br />There are a lot of questions, but this does sound interesting and I love the titleSamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02181594915587473760noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20390398.post-61527771717324731172009-05-12T19:20:00.000-07:002009-05-12T19:20:00.000-07:00I'm a little confused as well as to whose skin has the issues. In the beginning it Jude's and then you mention hiding the fact that Evie's got funky skin from his mother. Also a short catchy lead is important and an agent will also want to know a little about you. What you do, how you got into writing, any history of writing, things you've published. <br />So best to shorten the synopsis to one or two paragraphs and share some juicy details about yourself!<br /><br />DW Golden<br />Sour with fairies in this new young adult novel: <A HREF="http://www.eloquentbooks.com/PurpleButterflies.html" REL="nofollow">Purple Butterflies</A>.DW Goldenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15498906731362204011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20390398.post-26618763462766813292009-05-10T20:43:00.000-07:002009-05-10T20:43:00.000-07:00Yeah, that got me, too, especially when you mention New Orleans and the eight layers of clothes - in the year 700?<br /><br />OK. If that's decades, then let me take another look...<br /><br />He's not 130 years older than her when they're in the past, is he? He's only 130 years older than her when she returns to her own time assuming he's still alive then.<br /><br />I think there are too many questions coming up with your time logic. Besides that...<br /><br />Your voice is here, which is great. There are a lot of literal questions in the middle of the story explanation. Starting and ending with cliches might not be a good idea.<br /><br />I don't know. I'm thinking starting something like this:<br /><br />Love is the last thing bookish high school senior Evie Cowen wants when she finds herself thirteen decades in the past. She can’t stop thinking about Jude Dulac, the handsome young demon tracker who rescued her, but she also can’t live without showers or sneakers. Love can be painful, but it’s not supposed to leave marks. Jude cannot touch Evie without burning her skin. It’s his special gift.<br /><br />That's too disjointed, so it would need smoothing.Sarah Laurensonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20390398.post-73248008305857350882009-05-08T13:23:00.000-07:002009-05-08T13:23:00.000-07:0013 centuries = one thousand three hundred years older than her... perhaps you mean 13 decades instead?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com